i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
