seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
