So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
