lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
