I am midnight drunk by noon
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We need to get me chipped asap
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
