I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
