hell yes lets make some ravioli
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
