Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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