You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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