I puked a lego.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
