I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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