Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
