I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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