He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
