When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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