she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
