arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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