I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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