i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
