I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
birth control should be required to get into college
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
