I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
