to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
