i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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