Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
