It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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