She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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