just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
