ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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