I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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