I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
