My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
