he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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