I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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