some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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