i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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