can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
