I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
