did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Boobs speak an international language.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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