I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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