I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Fuck appropriateness.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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