I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
