I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
