Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
