Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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