Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Found your dick twin last night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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