I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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