I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
