If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
