I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
