And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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