You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
