Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
