It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
