just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
