I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
